Hurricane Blues (Minstrel Mondays)

Every year, those of us on the east coast of the United States are terrorized by weathermen and media pundits, decrying the "storm of the century."  Oh!  The mega-hurricane is coming up the coast!  It's going to level every city, drown dogs in their back yards, throw great-white sharks up into supermarket parking lots where they'll eat your children!  Help!  Help!   Aughh-gurgle-gurgle!

This year it was Irene, which did little more than bring a bunch of rain down upon us.  There was one unfortunate guy who had a tree limb fall on him, but other than that and a handful of other unfortunate incidents, it was a pretty harmless storm.

Here's a little song I threw together for the blessed event!  God save Biff Buffington!

It's been raining 'round the bend

Looks like it's never gonna end

And here I sit alone in this parade

No telling where I've been

Or when I'll be back again

For the Weather Channel calls for Armageddon!

But the wind and the rain

Don't cause a lot of pain

For me

'Cause I'm sitting in this room

Looking out at Sunday gloom

But the sun will still be shining in the morning.

The hurricane drizzle couldn't make a flag unfurl

And the trees are barely waving

Yet they evacuate the masses

Lock them up together

For their own protection

So the rapes and looting can go on unabated

Meanwhile the rain keeps falling

And the clouds are surely laughing

At the ludicrosity of man's folly

But you never know

God might send down his big toe

And squash all them unbelievers

It can't get much calmer

Eye of the storm is

The entirety of its being

It's not about to make

Widows of the great

Mover and shakers of our time

More people will die

Choking on candied ginger

Than fall prey to the storm of the century

Pray your way to safety

After all disaster is dead

God didn't send it to kick your ass

Or else you'd be kissing his now

Why must it take irrational fear

To send the faithful flying?

Shouldn't they believe in the glory

Of a bright summer's day?

The storm is a-comin'

Don't doubt it for a second

You'll all be eating string beans

And crying for your mommies

When the rain never stops

And the trusses fall apart

You'll be wishing you'd bought

Salvation for $19.95

Then maybe you'd still be alive

You know we'll all be

Better off tomorrow

Holler and cheer

That you beat the reaper yet again

Never will false prophecies of doom

Escape your waiting mind

It'll come true next time

So says primetime